I've not written for such a long time.

Today my heart was broken.

I received news that T had died. It can't be?

My God I am so very thankful for the last 11 months when we got back in touch.

Goodbye my dear childhood friend.

I had the most wonderful dream last night, or early this morning. It was truly lovely.

My grandfather Jackson came to visit! Yes, there he was on my little flag stone path just about to step up on the porch. I couldn't believe my eyes. I laughed and cried and hugged him so tight and laughed some more. I kept saying is it really you grandpa and he laughed in that friendly cheerful laugh I still remember and said "yes Leslie Ann it is me dear".

I felt so good, I can't tell you how good I felt. I wonder what it means, this dream. It is not the first dream I've had when I see Grandpa Jackson but it is the first dream that we actually spoke and I touched him and hugged him.

After that....he went for a nap! What a kind and loving soul he was....still is.

READING .....

I spent last night reading all my friend T's blogger entries and it has inspired me to write more in my 'journal'. Hmmm it would be nice to add pictures too, but I'm best to keep this simple at first. I like the idea of "doing your craft/art first"....I think I'll adopt that rule as mine too.

I finally have the new 'pute up and running and online .... well except for the mail - I'm very tired of trying everything to get that going...need help. Now I have a new accounting program to learn; just tried the trial disc and it looks like it will be perfect for our small business.

It's a dull rainy day today, a good day to stay here in the office to work and learn something new. A good day to do my craft/art later on as well. I'm currently working on a "Memory Book". At first I shunned this very popular new craft. But then my very first girlfriend, T, sent me pictures of us from a long time ago. I wanted to preserve them in someway; so I've started a book. I feel this first attempt is a bit juvenile but hopefully it will improve as I learn more and let my creative side loose. Already I'm thinking of more books...a vacation book, a book for each of my boys, more girlfriend books, etc.

I have a lovely long weekend to look forward to so now I must get the work and chores done first...yes - the craft will come later on.

Namaste

I'm back....after a crash, I've found my blogger site. You'd think I would have something exciting to post...I will, I will. Give me time.

L

Funny stories and weird dreams. I had a dream last night and as most dreams go it was very very strange and hard to put all the pieces together the next morning. I was at a party by myself. My friend from high school, Barb, was there as was Brenda's sister Bev and lots of other people. Barb had someone I just had to meet, someone with the same interests as me and was interested in meeting me! She pointed him out....the most gorgeous looking man I've seen. Not only good looks, mind you, but more an aura of goodness, light, laughter, serenity and kindness. I didn't want to meet him. Barb and Bev were encouraging me. I wanted to meet him. I didn't want to meet him. Why? Perhaps his looks, I don't know. But I was encouraged. But still I didn't make the move. During the party at this big house with a big porch, I recall, I wandered over to the buffet table (natch!) and he followed. He had the most beautiful eyes and smile. He just stayed close by me, didn't say anything, smiled, looked good and got physically closer and closer to me. I was about to say something and start this meeting off because I felt some sort of connection and then *WHAM* Bryan arrived at the party late!

Shit!

What does this mean? I haven't a clue. Brenda said I am probably not with the true mate I should be with, but that I'm loyal to the one I am with. Shame sometimes.

Namaste,

L

Funny Stories

I want to write down some funny stories so I will never forget them.

Funny Story #1 At My Friend's House

My friend has two sons the same age as my boys. One day a friend of Adam's called on him. Adam and his brother David were downstairs in the basement on the computer. It was late on a Saturday morning. The only problem was Adam was in his boxers and t-shirt and to get clothes he had to pass the front hall where his friend was waiting for him. My friend called and called her son to the door....shuffle shuffle *boink* muffle muffle *boink* *bong* #@%^@!! sounds came from the basement. Finally Adam came upstairs to answer his call wearing his brother's clothes. Now the funny part ---- Adam is 6'3" and a big boy...his brother is 5'8" and slim. There was Adam with track pants up to his calves and a sweat shirt on that was 2 sizes too small, cuffs up to his elbows. What a funny sight. My friend went downstairs to see David, the younger brother....and there he is sitting in his undies because his brother wrestled his clothes off him.

Funny Story #2 On The Highway Caught in Time

Three of us were driving home from Kingston on a sunny Sunday afternoon after a recharging women's weekend. There seemed to be a traffic jam ahead on the 401 but we couldn't see what was causing it. Oh we thought, probably some elderly couple in their Winibago on their way home for the summer. Finally everyone was able to pass the "problem" and it was our turn to see what was causing the hold up. Well, we laughed and laughed and laughed. What to our wondering eyes did we see? A late 1960's VW van decorated with flowers and stickers and peace signs and there was the driver....long ponytail, headband and tie-died t-shirt. He couldn't get the VW to go more than 80 Km. We laughed and laughed and thought he just drove himself out of a time warp. Too funny.

Funny Story #3 POW

My dad just told me this funny story recently. At the tender age of 18 my dad was stationed in Cornwallis, Nova Scotia, waiting for orders to go overseas and was granted a leave for a few days at Christmas time. He had wired home for money for the train, but back then transferring money wasn't as easy as it was now. There is my dad...longing to go home to see his fiance and parents and stuck between Digby and Cornwallis N.S. Along come a pair of military police and asked "hey sailor where are you going?" My dad explained to them his problem. Perhaps, being Christmas, the military police - probably not much older than my dad - took pity and offered him a way home to Toronto. They were to return to Toronto but didn't have a prisoner and there was space for 3 on their ticket. They ordered my dad to remove his navy uniform, which was replaced with prisoner garb. They handcuffed him and they all had a lovely train trip home. On arrival they gave him back his uniform.

Where have I been for two weeks? I don't know really. Busy around the house with all the changes. Busy in my mind which seems to be spinning again. I have to grab hold of it and turn inward, calm myself. B-R-E-A-T-H-E.......that will do it.

Today it's like summer outside....summer with brown grass and leafless trees...unusually warm today, for today anyway, for surely the weather could turn on itself at any moment. That is spring in this part of my country. I am happy to be Canadian. I am happy to live in a reasonably safe and free part of the world. I am happy to be part of a country that is called "polite".

It seems that the President of the USA is determined to put the rest of the world "right". I'm not so sure about his ego nor his intentions! So, the US-led coalition has "freed" the Iraqi people from their chains. This is good...but at what cost? War means death; death for the innocent. I am sure they are happy to be freed. But for anyone who has lost a loved-one....even freedom will never fill the empty hole in their hearts.

I look longingly at my garden, anxious to get out there to cut and clear and check on new growth. If the weather cooperates I plan to spend this long weekend in the garden. One is closest to God in the garden. I don't know who said that but it's so true.

That's all for this day......tomorrow sometime I will be a year older!

Namaste,

L

It's snowing......that's all I can say.....it's snowing lots and covering the frozen snow and ice that was left this weekend....frozen snow and ice that is covering all the fresh new growth.

From Mrs. Dalloway.....

She began to go slowly upstairs, with her hand on the bannister, as if she had left a party, where now this friend now that had flashed back her face, her voice; had shut the door and gone out and stood alone, a single figure against the appalling night, or rather, to be accurate, against the stare of this matter-of-fact June morning; soft as the glow of rose petals for some, she knew, and felt it, as she paused by the open staircase window which let in blinds flapping, dogs barking, let in, she thought, feeling herself suddenly shrivelled, aged, breastless, the grinding, blowing, flowering of the day, out of doors, out of the window, out of her body and brain which now failed, since Lady Bruton, whose lunch parties were said to be extraordinarily amusing, had not asked her.

That my friend is one descriptive sentence isn't it?

The Clarica translation: Mrs. Dalloway is pissed off because she wasn't invited to the party.

I had a friend, for many years, a neighbourhood pal. She used to say with meaning (?) that I was the wise one of the circle, the spiritual one, educated, kind and one to always do the right thing. My how the worm turns because now I am the know-it-all, I think I'm better than her and everyone else, I am lucky to be educated, have a good life and yadi yadi yadi. She will go to her grave with a huge grudge and hating me for making her feel so miserable. She can manage that well enough on her own, mind you.

I might add that this person has a very colourful *ahem* life with loads of pain and trouble, most of which are self-induced. Bryan used to say if you looked up "dysfunctional family" in the dictionary, there would be her name. Too funny.

I don't know why I'm writing this here and now. I guess because I saw her recently. Pity I wasn't close enough to say "hello _____", but I wasn't. Besides I did that many months ago, months after our confrontation and was ignored. That was funny and immediately made me wish I had shouted "get over yourself" instead, but the fireworks would have only begun again.

I feel free and I am over this "friendship", which of course turned out not to be a true friendship in the end....unless one agrees with her opinions, her lifestyle, is ever ready to offer a shoulder to cry on continuously, never making an attempt to pull herself out of her mess. Auch well, I am over it all and I am free.

Namaste,

L

Virginia Woolf.......

I first "met" Virginia Woolf at college many years ago...oh about 30 years ago now. Up until that time I hated English Lit in high school but at college I had two incredible teachers for "Women in Literature". Janet, an American who was fun, lived for literature and still teaches at Seneca College I've heard. Linda was an English student at U. of T., practice teaching at the time, now head of some Dept. there and assisting doctural students with their thesis. Quite brilliant she is. It was through them I was introduced to Virginia Woolf and the Bloomsbury Group. I took many courses with these women and their influence was positive. After graduation I took a "Literature" holiday to England by myself and visited all the sites on my list - Virginia's house, the house where the Bloomsbury Group met, Jane Austen's house, the Bronte home on theYorkshire Moors, the haunts of D. H. Lawrence, a pub in London that Charles Dickens frequented. What fun that was. How brave I was to go on my own!

After seeing "The Hours" twice and reading the book, I naturally wanted to read "Mrs. Dalloway", one of Virginia's books I had not read before. I forgot how difficult she can be to read. Difficult and mesmerizing at the same time. Virginia Woolf, poor depressed Virginia who was in her head most of the time. I became totally engrossed with her descriptions....one can visualize everything beautifully in one's mind. One can visualize, and hear the sounds and smell the scents she is describing. Sometimes I get so lost in her words, I forget where the story is going. Truth be said, sometimes I haven't a clue what she is saying but the words are beautiful.

By the way....spring has sprung. The snow has melted and it's difficult to recall only 3 weeks ago when we had 2 foot snowbanks. Now the tiny pointy tops of spring bulbs are poking through the earth. Wonderful!

Namaste,

L

I'm tired.

I've been painting and sanding and plastering and painting some more. Decorating.

And I'm very tired, sore muscles, sore legs but it's a good kind of tired. The same tiredness I feel after a day of exhausting spring gardening.

I'm going to bed.

Namaste,

L

The sun, the warmth, the meltdown....it makes us all itchy. My mother used to call it "spring fever", we just couldn't wait to get outside without heavy winter coats and boots and mitts. I remember feeling so free playing on the sidewalk in my new turquoise spring coat. I was probably 8 or 9, or was that 10 or 11...I don't know. I was probably skipping with pals, double-dutch maybe. I was freezing because it was far too early for spring coats, but what did I care. I wanted to chase the dirty snow away I guess.

You can just feel it in the air can't you? Spring, new growth (well soon the new growth will emerge), a certain kind of freshness.

Dark clouds loom "over there" but here in my little world, today is perfect.

Namaste,

L

I have seen a sign.

On March 13th I heard that familiar sound...the unmistakable song of a robin. And there he was in the pine tree at front.

Thank you.

Spring will come. In fact the melt-down with all the mess and mud and filth is indeed happening now.

Namaste,

L

I need a sign.

I need a sign that spring is out there somewhere.

But I don't even feel it peaking around a corner. The snowbanks are above the cars. It's cold. I am getting very worried that the earth may be stuck on the spin cycle...stuck in winter.

Come back spring. I'm going to Canada Blooms this week. I can almost smell the spring bulbs. Canada Blooms has to be the best garden show ever. Can't wait.

Namaste,

L

What a snowstorm. The biggest yet and it's the end of February. I have been listening to people grumbling about the weather, the cold, the snow. They grumble about the cold and they can't see the brilliant blue sky. Such a shame. They grumble because they can't go south, or they've been south and have come back to "this". I'm glad I'm in the moment. Now; I would grumble if.....
......suddenly the earth got stuck on the spin-cycle and we'll have winter forever!! That's something to grumble about. Yes "little feather" spring will surely come. Be patient with nature.

"Chicago" was fun, well done and quite intertaining in an old-fashion movie way. The book I'm reading "Shambhala..." is wonderful. So simple and pure and speaks the truth to me.

Honourable Son #2 is getting his tattoo today. Brave and fearless, I'd say. OMIGOD I woke up with a snake tattoo. I love that chorus of a song I don't know the title of sung by Amanda Marshall - I think.

Namaste,

L

It's snowing....lots and lots of snow. Winter storm warnings put our plans to go to the movies - "Chicago" - off until tomorrow. I'm puttering, cleaning out cupboards. Why did I ever think I needed 17 votive holders? I'm working in slow motion. Can't think of a profound thing to say. Our dinner is lined up on the kitchen counter - Bryan cleared out the freezer. Ummmm pizza delivery perhaps?

It's a brilliant day today. And it's mild. Funny now, how we feel -1C is "mild". I'm looking back on this week and I think I have taken a "vacation for the soul". I have done absolutely no office work besides being here to take calls from 9:00 to 5:00 pm. There hasn't been many this time of year. I've read, I've crafted, I've stared outside, walked the dog, cleaned the house, did yoga practice from my new DVD, cooked and planned projects. Perhaps this week has been an alternative vacation for me.

I have projects and ideas and plans whirling around in my head. These ideas always come back to clothing. I want to make a vest. I want to make a very different vest. How so? Well, everytime I put a vest on it screams "cowboy" and with that comes hurt'n country & western music and I just want to throw up. So I must design a vest that says anything else but that. Hmmmm maybe some luxurious fabrics, embellishments, asymetrical design. It has to be something comfortable and loose and covers the stomach! I think I'll go and put my mind to that project right now.

I'd like my own room. Maybe the big bedroom so I can set up my loom, decorate with my things, my sanctuary.

Namaste,

L

I bought a book today...yes another book. The stack beside my bed is growing taller every day it seems. There's not much time to read before my eyes get heavy - I wonder why I feel so guilty reading during the day? Anyway, bought "Shambhala, The Sacred Path of the Warrior". I'll let you know what I think when I get into it.

It's mild today, the icicles at the side of the house are melting. Drip drip drip-drip drip...it's like a winter water feature. God I hate that term "water feature". There are a few terms I don't like but I do like to use them for fun. I watch a lot of HGTV and here they come, the words I hate; but love to use. "Space", "punch of colour", "window treatments", to name a few.

Maybe I should use those words instead of swear words. The boys will really think I've flipped if I do. Can you picture it???

Today I took the 4-runner for a wash in one of those self-serve places. Oh what fun I had, never been to one of those before. For $4.00 I got a clean car and had a blast with that hose!

Namaste,

L

I'm sitting here looking at the screen and wondering what am I going to write? My mind is rambling...perhaps I should just let my fingers follow.

I've been feeling very esoteric lately, very spiritual, searching for soul work. Perhaps with all the turmoil in the global world this is a nice place to be; it's peaceful and quiet. I like it here. I've been listening to music that inspires me, I've been eating better. Well some of the time, most of the time. There are days when I eat only pure unadulterated poison - junk food. I've been practicing yoga more and loving that. I feel 5'8" after a session and that alone is a good thing. I have been attempting......no - I have been creating, a bit of painting, a bit of stamping, a bit of this and a bit of that. Whatever I create will be good enough for me.

Sleep still does not come easily though.

It's snowing. It is either too cold to snow, or it snows. I took Dunny for a walk in the field. Man alive he loves the snow. I looked like "Nanuk of the North" with my red James Bay coat down to my knees and my big white boots that go up to my knees. Dunny rolls, and dives and runs and buries his face in the snow. If he's not getting enough attention out there, or he thinks you are heading home too soon for his liking, he charges you. He always stops just in time but it can give you a fright. What a silly dog. He likes nothing better than getting to the top of the little hill, rolling on his back and propelling himself down the hill. He's a Disney Dog.

I suppose I have given myself a "mental health day" today. Haven't touched a speck of office work, though the house is clean and the laundry is done. Hmmmm what to do this afternoon? Perhaps read, perhaps create, perhaps......

Namaste,

L

Today was an absolutely delicious day. I did exactly what I wanted to do ..... I slept until I felt like getting up, waking every few hours only to drift back to blissful sleep. The sky was visible from my bedroom window - bright blue with fluffy white clouds. I knew it was cold, -21C to be exact, and decided this is where I will stay. I finally left my nice warm bed at 2:45 pm., had a breakfast and then a warm bath. A bubble bath,heavenly scented with lavender. I did "the works" - a spa day at home. And now it's evening and I'm so totally relaxed. Perhaps it's a night for a chick flick.

Namaste,

L

St. Valentine's Day. Hmmph. I did receive a big box of Laura Secord chocolates....which I have nearly consumed all by myself.

Namaste,

L

This could be a good day....but it must be handled very carefully.

Namaste,

L